Top 35 Toilet Paper Quotes

For some reason, the only Swedish I know how to say is, ‘There is no toilet paper.’

I never saw the light of day at Bouley. I remember I would bring home a roll of toilet paper a week because we got paid so little, if at all.

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can’t tear the toilet paper.

The fact that I live in New York, a city that thrives on accessibility, might explain why I was slow to grasp the appeal of Alexa. Here we have bodegas on every corner, most open 24 hours, in case you need to pick up a roll of toilet paper or a bottle of hot sauce in the middle of the night.

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.

When I was younger I was told to lose some weight because I was a little bit chubbier, but I didn’t dream of modelling in Milan or anywhere like that because I don’t find toilet paper too tasty.

I really can’t be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that’s nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits of toilet paper.

The only reason I’d bring a Bible out here is if I needed toilet paper.

If you can market smut and toilet paper, you can market movies.

House Republicans are flimsier than toilet paper, except toilet paper actually has use. They’re so pathetic.

I have a very silly sense of humor. I’ve never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

In our skulls, we carry around 3 pounds of slimy, wet, greyish tissue, corrugated like crumpled toilet paper. You wouldn’t think, to look at the unappetizing lump, that it was some of the most powerful stuff in the known universe.

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

I’m a writer who stacks cat food for a living. It’s true: I have a master’s degree in creative writing, I’ve published two critically successful books, and I get paid to replenish the shelves of my local food co-op with pet food, sponges and toilet paper. Nine days out of 10, I do it quite happily.

If you’re embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don’t forget the toilet paper.

We live in such a celebrity-driven culture, but all those people have to go buy toilet paper, and all those people have products they use and their favorite sweet treats. They all have to write to-do lists, and they’re all reading books – well, hopefully most people are doing those things.

A rebel. That was me when I was younger. What was a rebel from New Jersey? A rebel was moving to the Village, not sleeping with top sheets, not eating a hot breakfast in the morning, not having 20 rolls of toilet paper and 10 boxes of Kleenex.

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.

I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.

I don’t think many people understand what racism is. The intellectuals use it like toilet paper; it’s something they can use. It’s not something they live.

The first beat that I ever made that I thought was actually worth a damn was called ‘Toilet Paper Nostrils,’ and I made it when I had a cold. I had the worst cold ever. And I had toilet-paper nostrils making music, but it was really reflective of how I felt. It was a really sad trumpet sound.

When I was about 7 years old, I built a leprechaun trap out of a cardboard box, a biscuit tin and some toilet paper tubes.

I always said if I could figure out a way to grow Kleenex and toilet paper on trees, we could pull the plug on society.

When I started as a color man in the booth with CBS, I would make footballs out of a roll of toilet paper.

I kind of have a strange addiction to hair dryers. Like on the TV show, where they eat toilet paper or eat the wall or something – I’m addicted to hair dryers. Since I was 8 years old, I’ve used them to fall asleep. I love the white noise. I love the heat. It just puts me right to sleep.

My mother always told me, ‘I didn’t make a perfume or go sell toilet paper. I did something good with my name.’

What I’ve come to find out is it doesn’t matter if you’re selling a $10,000 gown or toilet paper: The everyday sort of humdrum of customer service and retail is the same.

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can’t tear the toilet paper.

Don’t let yourself fall into ’empty.’ Keep cash in the house. Keep gas in your tank. Keep an extra roll of toilet paper squirreled away. Keep your phone charged.

Never give an artist like me carte blanche: he would think it’s simply toilet paper.

It used to be that comic strips were the big thing, and comic books were toilet paper.

In captivity, one loses every way of acting over little details which satisfy the essentials of life. Everything has to be asked for: permission to go to the toilet, permission to ask a guard something, permission to talk to another hostage – to brush your teeth, use toilet paper, everything is a negotiation.

My mom really let us do our own thing and play with different trends, and my sister was a little older, so she had all the beauty tricks. I would stuff things like rolled-up toilet paper into my hair to get volume, or do the reverse, and I’d lie on my back, and she’d use an actual iron to straighten it.

I was never the class clown or put on shows at home. I never thought of acting as something I could do with my life. When I was a kid, I used to run around wrapped in toilet paper so I could be the Mummy. But that wasn’t a sign that I was dreaming of being an actor. I was just an odd child.

I’ve always loved 3D. In fact, as a kid, I was exposed to 3D at an early age because my grandfather was a specialist of 3D in cinematheques. And then my cousin put it in ‘Science of Sleep’ with toilet paper tube cities. But he was a specialist and I always wanted to do something in 3D.