Top 88 Toilet Quotes

I, made in England, felt excluded, miffed, resistant to the idea of even visiting India, a position of increasing absurdity as, one by one, backpacking friends returned from the place with the standard anecdotal combo of nirvanic epiphany and toilet horror.

I don’t think my daughter wants to see me on the toilet. Lila has seen me nude.

I never saw the light of day at Bouley. I remember I would bring home a roll of toilet paper a week because we got paid so little, if at all.

I have always had a ridiculous fear that I will walk into the bathroom one morning and find a python in my toilet.

I did the ‘right’ thing and got a corporate job on Wall Street. That did not last long. I felt like I was throwing all my years of hard work and relationship-building down the toilet. I eventually quit, went and bought a camera, and built a website. That was the birth of KarenCivil.com.

A rebel. That was me when I was younger. What was a rebel from New Jersey? A rebel was moving to the Village, not sleeping with top sheets, not eating a hot breakfast in the morning, not having 20 rolls of toilet paper and 10 boxes of Kleenex.

Don’t let yourself fall into ’empty.’ Keep cash in the house. Keep gas in your tank. Keep an extra roll of toilet paper squirreled away. Keep your phone charged.

In Michigan, a liberal democrat raised taxes and kept their government programs at the same level. And guess what? Their economy continued into the toilet, it continued down.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

I’ve done every series that had gone down the toilet.

I grew up in a world with my father where you learnt to iron, you learnt to cook, you learnt how to clean the toilet… I want my children to be the same… I want them to be anywhere in the world and be able to cope.

I am proud to say that I plastic-wrapped Bruno Ricci’s toilet in his trailer.

We would say we would play every pay toilet and use our own change. Across America and across the world, we just kept going and going.

Me and my sisters were so awful. One nanny, we loved, but we hacked her email and sent her boyfriend lots of weird messages, and we once actually locked her in the toilet, too.

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can’t tear the toilet paper.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I’d better write a book.

The hardest thing is when you’re in public, and you need to go to the toilet, and someone asks for a photo. And their phone is either flat, dead, or they’ve turned it off completely. You’re trying to rush to the toilet, and they want your autograph – and I hate saying no, I feel so bad.

I’ve spiked a toilet seat before, a gallon of milk, even eggs. If you say it, I’ve probably spiked it before.

I can wash utensils, chop vegetables and can fold beds. I don’t think I can do anything beyond it. In fact, cleaning toilet pots is my biggest nightmare.

In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought… I must put a roof on this toilet.

We actually had a toilet on the sideline in college. We had like a little mini-toilet; we’d go and flush it.

I had a poor upbringing. We lived in a rented house with no bathroom and an outside toilet and that, combined with the fact that I left home at 15 without any serious education, has always made me feel like I have to compete.

When I got my Oprah money, the first thing I bought was a really nice electronic bidet toilet seat.

Now, as husbands go, I have to admit I did all right. Joe is unquestionably handsome, doesn’t leave ragged toenail clippings scattered about the house, and has never once, in nearly five thousand days of togetherness, left the toilet seat up.

When I was on the swim team as a kid, I used to hide out from my coach by going into the bathroom and hiding out in one of the stalls. And I would literally wrap myself in toilet paper so as not to get hypothermia.

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

I’ll never have a house party again. You stand around for ages worried that nobody’s coming and the next minute you’re queuing for your own toilet while someone you’ve never met is asking you if you know whose party this is.

NASA asked me to create meals for the space shuttle. Thai chicken was the favorite. I flew in a fake space shuttle, but I have no desire to go into space after seeing the toilet.

When I was 12, my mum put us in a summer camp meant for children from low-income families. It was in upstate New York where we had to live in tents, fetch water, cook our meals, and even dig our own toilet bowls.

It used to be that comic strips were the big thing, and comic books were toilet paper.

Rightly or wrongly, the Victorian considered that there were certain subjects which were not meet for inter-sexual discussion, just as they held that certain processes of the feminine toilet, like the powdering of the nose and the application of lipstick to the mouth, were (if done at all) better done in private.

One time I tried to use the bathroom in the dark, and I missed the toilet, and I fell on the floor.

If you can market smut and toilet paper, you can market movies.

I took my son to an exhibition about inventing things, and he was so inspired he started collecting toilet rolls and empty bottles for his own ‘inventions.’

When I was about 7 years old, I built a leprechaun trap out of a cardboard box, a biscuit tin and some toilet paper tubes.

I’ve always loved 3D. In fact, as a kid, I was exposed to 3D at an early age because my grandfather was a specialist of 3D in cinematheques. And then my cousin put it in ‘Science of Sleep’ with toilet paper tube cities. But he was a specialist and I always wanted to do something in 3D.

I’m an intense singer, so I look like I need the toilet every time I hit a high-note.

I think it’s weird going to the toilet in clothes. I don’t like it.

I would wake up really early and go into the hotel bathroom, put a towel over the toilet, and put my laptop there. I’d put my headphones on and just write. And so now when I do writing sessions, and I am stuck on a part, or I can’t figure out a chorus, I’m just like, ‘Give me a second,’ and I’ll go to that bathroom.

Where do you get lumpy tiles? Well, of course, you don’t. But I get a lot of toilets, and so you just dispatch a toilet with a hammer, and then you have lumpy tiles.

Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.

I have the largest collection of Hulk memorabilia in the world – everything from toilet paper, wallpaper, bicycles – all boxed up at my house in Northern California. I’ve had it for so long, I think it might be time to sell it.

I’m looking into making toilet paper. It’s not an option unless you a bum and gotta use newspaper. It’s not an option. Like, it’s an option if you wanna drive a car. It’s an option if you wanna use a straw. It’s an option if you wanna wear a pair of Nikes or Reeboks.

For some reason, the only Swedish I know how to say is, ‘There is no toilet paper.’

Cancer is a great wake-up call. A call to take the tag off the new lingerie and wear that black lacy slip. To open the box of pearls and put them on. To crack open the bath oil beads before they shrivel up in a bowl on the toilet tank.

From the stage I’ve seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.

I could never plan to have a career that went this well… you know, there were times when it didn’t: when it went into the toilet, or ducked, or was difficult to get moving.

I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet – to use the toilet even – in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger.

I cleaned many a toilet.

Online, you’re providing each other with the good aspects of being together as far as communication and support, but you don’t have to deal with the realities of paying bills together, or being annoyed when they leave the toilet seat up or don’t put the food away in the fridge.

I was never the class clown or put on shows at home. I never thought of acting as something I could do with my life. When I was a kid, I used to run around wrapped in toilet paper so I could be the Mummy. But that wasn’t a sign that I was dreaming of being an actor. I was just an odd child.

No, Hal Needham without Burt Reynolds has not done well. ‘Megaforce’ went right in the toilet.

In the case of the classic Western helicopter parent, it starts with Baby Einstein and reward charts for toilet training, and it never really ends, which is why colleges have to devote so many resources to teaching parents how to leave their kids alone.

We live in such a celebrity-driven culture, but all those people have to go buy toilet paper, and all those people have products they use and their favorite sweet treats. They all have to write to-do lists, and they’re all reading books – well, hopefully most people are doing those things.

I was born in a house without a light or a toilet, so why would I forget who I am or where I come from?

You know, I’ve been to some superstars’ houses, and I’ve been really disgusted when I see their platinum discs hanging in the toilet. They’re just there on the walls glaring at you when you’re trying to be occupied with other things.

I visited a new cultural center in Shanghai in 2005 that was pretty much perfect, except for the really badly translated Chinglish signs: a handicapped restroom that said ‘Deformed Man’s Toilet,’ that kind of thing.

We are now in the 21st century: all books, including the Koran, should be fair game for flushing down the toilet without fear of violent reprisal.

It’s funny: I put money into short films, and I put really good actors in it, and I write some stuff that’s really funny, and I’ll get, like, a million views. But to the right of me, there will be a video of a kitten that falls into a toilet bowl, and it’s three seconds long, and it will get 25 million views.

It’s obvious for example that when I am Conchita, I use the female toilet, and when I am Tom, the male toilet. I can assure you it’s never a problem for women, they love it.

I’d like to say I’m a very silly man. But I’m not that silly. I’m not throwing any diamond ring down a toilet.

You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it’s some weird coloured embossed stuff.

When you go to jail, there’s so much simple stuff missing. You just want some good toilet paper or a real toothbrush, a real blanket and a real bed to lay in.

When I was writing my dissertation, I wrote about Freud and the process of sublimation, which is when you learn to stop breast-feeding, or stop going to the toilet whenever you want to. It’s about learning to repress a desire for instant gratification.

You know you’re big when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.

Save the Children is also working to improve accommodation for refugee families living outside settlements. I met a family which had been living in a substandard building without windows, doors or a toilet.

My mother always told me, ‘I didn’t make a perfume or go sell toilet paper. I did something good with my name.’

Well, I don’t use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate.

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

Well, one of the myths early on that I think is one of the funnier things we’ve done is airline toilet seats. That one was about a large woman that sat down on a seat in an airline and flushed the toilet and got stuck on it.

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.

I’ve fixed the toilet. And I’ve been crawling in claustrophobic places… you have to deal with that when you become a homeowner.

Bangkok is a toilet without a flush.

In politics, you’re like a toilet seat: you’re up one day and down the next.

I never settled because I wasn’t meant to pack toilet rolls or stack shelves.

When I get a really bad bout of painful bloating and that urgency that I need to go to the toilet, and I’m out on a night out with my friends, there’s been times when I’ve had to leave and go back. Because there’s no way I want to be in that situation where I’m in a club and really unwell.

I married a man who isn’t afraid to wash a dish, scrub a toilet, or have his unibrow waxed into submission by a licensed professional.

Let me make this clear: my impairment is such that without a wheelchair, I can’t do very much for myself. I can’t get out of bed. I can’t get myself to the toilet. I certainly can’t get myself to work.

We had a house in Baga, Goa, that we would visit every Christmas vacation. It was called Love House. The toilet was outside the house. We had no water; someone had to get it from the well. My dad was huge then, but he could walk, go to the local tavern, have a beer and take an auto back.

In many parts of the world, more people have access to a mobile device than to a toilet or running water.

Even if my job for the day is cleaning the vents or fixing the toilet, it still feels good to be a part of the space program and advancing exploration.

My first exposure to sanitation issues occurred when I got admission into an engineering college. They probably didn’t want to admit me and informed me that there was no ladies toilet in the college. I was adamant and pursued my studies in engineering in that very college.

The fact that I live in New York, a city that thrives on accessibility, might explain why I was slow to grasp the appeal of Alexa. Here we have bodegas on every corner, most open 24 hours, in case you need to pick up a roll of toilet paper or a bottle of hot sauce in the middle of the night.

Castro couldn’t even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.

I’ve got four kids – I unblock a toilet every day.

Don’t get married in a house where there is no toilet.

Rome is the capital of Europe; it’s as simple as that. You need to see what the Romans did 2,000 years ago. They were so advanced compared to the rest of the world. They showed us how to make roads, toilet seats, how to do irrigation, and more. When you see the Colosseum you won’t believe it was built so long ago.